I just saw “Apocalypto” - Mel Gibson’s blood and guts foray into Mesoamerican history. I have a particular interest in Mundo Maya and archeoastronomy, and I had once met the main archeological consultant on this film, so I overcame my Gibsonian aversions and bought a bucket of popcorn and sat in the dark for 2 hours.

This revue is for amateur astronomers only. I will not comment on the anthropological, or sociological, or anatomical, or hematological, or blood-splattered gore, or vile and gruesome butchery, or throbbing sli…. [excuse me, I need to take a break for a minute]

OK, back to astronomy.

The central event of the film is the horrific ritual slaughter of captured slaves staged to ward off a total eclipse of the sun somewhere in the Yucatan peninsula 2 days prior to the arrival of the 1st Spaniards. [The classical Mayan civilization collapsed 500 years before the Spanish arrived! But I promised not to comment on the non-astronomical aspects of the film. Ignore this.] Planning this bloody spectacle would have required precise knowledge of where and when an eclipse would happen. The Mayans were exceptionally sophisticated observers of celestial mechanics (greater than any other New World culture, and the equal of most Old World ancients as well), and as advanced as their mathematics was – they could not have calculated that the path of totality would pass over their ritual center at a specified time! Like a very few Old World civilizations, the Mayans discovered the 19 year pattern of eclipse “seasons”, the times when eclipses were possible, but they could not have compensated for the tiny perturbations of the moon’s orbit that have a major impact on the precise location of the path of totality. Only rarely would a “predicted” eclipse actually be seen. In any case, their knowledge of eclipses was extensive and they would have well understood that to make an eclipse go away - just sit and wait. However, a precise and reliable prediction would not have been possible – and “close” doesn’t count in ceremonial eclipse rituals. A partial eclipse is a total non-spectacle! Since a total solar eclipse was the promised big draw for the communal gathering and ritual sacrifice in this story, it’s failure to occur would likely have roused the disappointed throng to call for the heads, and internal anatomy, of the priests! That should encourage sacerdotal caution. [Look it up – you don’t get many chances to use a word like that.]

I will grant Mel some leeway on these intellectual and academic points (though they are central to the story’s anthropology). Instead I will focus on how he did with portraying an eclipse as a Mayan spectator would have seen it.

Mel had the moon zipping across the face of the sun from 1st to 4th contact in about 2-3 minutes, rather than 2-3 hours. First of all, as we amateurs astronomers know, you can’t look up and actually see the moon move across the sun – not without filters. I saw no pre-Columbian mylar in the crowd scenes. That’s why partial eclipses are such non-events, even today. But Mel’s priests lucked out with their prediction and as the assembled throng watched, the darkness increased in proportion to the disappearance of the sun - when half the sun was covered, things were half as bright. Seconds later, when he had the sun mostly covered, it was mostly dark. The actual experience of an eclipse is very otherwise. For those who have witnessed an eclipse, it is striking that there is little sensation of light attenuation till the sun is almost entirely covered (the eye/brain combo is very adaptable to light level changes). With only a faint sliver of sun exposed there is a palpable change in the intensity and quality of daylight and then, suddenly, darkness sweeps out of the west and engulfs the viewer in the shadow of the moon. The visceral sensation is such that even modern sophisticated eclipse chasers shiver from something other than the drop in temperature. The reality of a total solar eclipse is more visually stunning and more emotionally powerful than the faux spectacle Mel provided. And emotional spectacle was clearly a goal for this film. A few bucks for an astro-consultant would not have registered on the bean counter’s spreadsheets and could have been recouped in enhanced popcorn sales. I was always near a phone, but it never rang.

But I held the most egregious error for last.

When the eclipse ends, Mel’s hero, Jaguar Paw, escapes and darts off into the jungle and runs all night - under the glare of a full moon! A FULL MOON!! On the night of an eclipse? Mel, MEL! While the other errors are perhaps too subtle for your target audiences to notice or care about, having a full moon on the night of an eclipse portrays a complete ignorance of what a solar eclipse is and how it happens. Next time call your local amateur astronomy club for advice.

Oh the Horror, the Horror!